Enough

One thing that has surprised me about my time in Africa is how much I have struggled with contentment.   In my very first month here I blogged about these feelings of dissatisfaction (you can read about them here) and although I've made some strides since then, I still struggle with feeling that I have enough.  Enough missionary support, enough food in the house, enough wearable clothes, enough activities to give my life meaning and purpose, enough time and attention to give my children.

The reality is that I'll never feel like I have enough, even though I actually do (especially in comparison to most people around me).

I need to learn afresh that we are to pray for daily bread.  Not weekly bread, monthly bread, or (as I'd prefer) a lifetime supply of bread.

I can't remember where I read this, but it said something to the effect of:  how can you truly ask God, "Give us this day our daily bread" when you have a month of food stocked in your pantry?  The Lord's Prayer is a prayer of dependence upon God, and when things are easy, we feel like we are providing for our needs in our own strength,

The beauty and the frustration about living here is that it is a lot easier to rely on God for provision as I am reminded again and again of my dependence on Him.  It's harder to buy things and it's difficult to stock up.  Many times the store will not have exactly what I want, or as much of it as I want, or the ATM won't have money, or the car won't work, or the gas station won't have gas, or we'll lose power and I'll be anxious about the extra chicken I have unexpectedly defrosting in the freezer.

Although my goal is always to plan ahead, it doesn't usually happen.  However, over the last few weeks, I have been reminded time and time again that God is providing enough.  Even when it's not as much as I want, it's enough.  Here are a few examples:

I needed to make play-dough for the kids in the quarry but I was low on salt (there is an insane amount of salt in homemade play-dough!)  My car was broken and although a friend went to two separate places to buy salt for me, neither one had any (!)  In desperation, I just decided to make due with the amount I had and see what happened.  To my great surprise, I had exactly the half cup that was needed.  Enough.

In preparing for our 2014 taxes, I added up our rental income and subtracted our mortgage, taxes, unexpected repairs and other expenses.  How much did we net this year?  $8.80.  Enough.

I went to buy Vodacom vouchers, which is how we fund our internet .  Although I had hoped to stock up for a couple of weeks, they only had the amount we needed for one week.  But it was enough.

Our car has been a problem since, literally, the first day we owned it.  It has cost us endless repair charges, frustration and stress and has driven me to the depths of despair (pun intended).  But it has only actually broken down one time on the road (and that was really close to home and was a quick solution).  It has safely seen us through the last year and a half, including 4 trips that were pretty far outside of Dar, and most recently, 2 trips across town to the clinic in the pouring rain.  Enough.

Raising missionary support has been more challenging this year, but every month, we're getting by. There will be an unexpected offering from a church, a new one-time donor, a drop in our expenses.  Enough.

Praying this Scripture again today:
Hebrews 13:5:  Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

He is enough.