Decision Time

We got an innocuous-looking piece of paper from HOPAC a couple of weeks ago that raised a topic we were hoping to avoid for several more months:  the weighty matter of what we are doing next school year.

Besides "I plan to stay" and "I do not plan to return," there was also the wishy-washy option of "I am undecided," which we gratefully selected.  Actually, because we were so overwhelmed by thinking about this decision, we uncharacteristically failed to hand in the paper on time but had to be hunted down for our answer.

That bought us some time, but we've got to give a firm answer by early January, which means that it is officially Decision Time.  I personally feel like my mind is constantly spinning through this important question and so I'd really like it settled sooner rather than later.  And our kids, too, need some clarity on what life will look like after June.  Emily just had her last football match of the season and, even more than losing in the finals, she was upset because she didn't know if it was her final game in a HOPAC uniform or not.

In an effort to move things along, we had a family meeting this past week to gauge everyone's initial thoughts and reached unanimous consensus....we're all equally undecided on what to do.   In some ways, this is a really good thing:  we have managed to find joy here but we also really love it back in the U.S.  It's the best of all worlds...except when you need to actually make a decision.

Leaving the U.S. to come here was a radical decision but it was an easy one.  It was a very clear path and everything fell perfectly in place as we felt God's hand leading us in every step.  However, it was also more of a leaving "for now" rather than "forever."  We did feel like we'd be back in NJ sooner or later and so saying goodbye to loved ones felt easier.  Although I have learned to never say "never," leaving Tanzania feels like it will be more of a "forever" leaving, and just imagining saying farewell to very dear friends already makes me sad.  Overall, it feels like the longer we're here, the easier it gets.  It seems a shame to leave just when I'm finally feeling conversant in the language and we are learning kids' names and beginning to really impact their lives.

But New Jersey is home, too, and we have a lot of good ministry opportunities awaiting us there,  We love our school, church, and community there.  Friends and family eagerly await our return.  And it would be really great to have an easier daily life, good health care and a cooler climate.

On the advice of our friend Mike, we read a book called "Discovering God's Will," by Jerry Sittser, before we moved to Tanzania.  The book debunks the misconception that many people have that God has one clear path for our lives.  Rather, if we are prayerfully and faithfully pursuing God's will, any number of paths will be glorifying to Him.  I do feel like this is the case here - neither one is "wrong" or "right."  

There are so many pros and cons to both decisions that I won't bore you all.  But please be in prayer that, whatever the decision, we feel at peace with God's leading and that we'll be equipped to carry out whatever tasks and challenges face us in the coming months.