Friji Frustrations

One of my favorite parts about Tanzanian living is to hear the Swahili version of "modern" words (which are generally imported from English).  Case in point:  the refrigerator.  Although its proper Swahili word is jokofu, no one in Dar outside of my Swahili tutor uses that.  They use friji.

Our own friji tale is a long and frustrating story that illustrates perfectly how living here can wear you down.  Almost three months ago, our friji stopped working.  Our freezer stayed perfectly frozen but the fridge part was no longer getting cold,

Electricians here are called fundi umeme and there is a fundi who works on the Hill where we live. His English is not great but I asked my gardener, Ayubu (whose English is pretty much non-existent), to call him.  This fundi, Joni, came within two days to check things out.  I looked with fondness back on the days in the U.S. where I'd be given a 4-hour window for a repairman.  At the time, this window seemed unreasonable:  Four hours of sitting around is absurd!    Meanwhile, we had all our friji items spread out at friends' houses and at school.

From my limited, Western-influenced perspective, I find that fundis can be good at fixing things...if you know what the problem is specifically.  If you need a specific part replaced, OK.  If you need a diagnostic exercise...it can be pretty hit or miss (as evidenced by the fact that our car woes could fill up a lengthy series of posts).

In this case, however, Joni correctly diagnosed the problem as being a buildup of ice on the coils of the freezer.  This buildup prevents cold air from reaching the bottom of the fridge and can be caused by either the timer or the heater parts malfunctioning.  He thought it was the heater but he wasn't sure. He was really concerned by the fact that we didn't have another fridge and didn't want to take the part.  There were a lot of communication breakdowns as he wanted to wait it out and see and I insisted he get the part replaced.  Finally, after a second visit, he took the part.

Meanwhile, I went out and bought a mini-fridge, reasoning that on the off chance that things were fixed the first time around, we'd have an extra place to put drinks for parties.

It wasn't the heater.  He returned with the part, we tested it out, it didn't work.  After several failed Swahili texts, I finally got the idea that he was now in Arusha, mourning the loss of his sister.  (Did you know that the verbs to arrive and to grieve are very similar in spelling?  Cue major cultural blunder).

I gave him some time and space to mourn and then started sending texts:  Please come!  We need the timer fixed!  He responded:  "I'll come kesho (tomorrow)" then kesho again.  Then kesho again.  Then there was no response.

We discovered that we could circumvent the problem by manually adjusting the timer ourselves every couple of days....we'd turn on the heater, melt the ice, and have normal service for a couple of days while the ice built up again.

We'd think: should we just get another fridge?  They aren't cheap and this one is not even 2 years old!

Fast-forward to a month+ later.  We're by now getting thoroughly sick of our work-around and are noticing that the problem is worsening:  we are needing to do this almost every day now.  Tim researches how to get to the area of town that sells fridge parts and heads off on a trek across the city in our car that not only has no working A/C, but is actively blowing heat into the car to add to the joy of 90+ degree life in Dar.  He is gone almost 3 hours and returns home, bathed in sweat, and unsuccessful.

We ask around:  anyone have a reliable fridge fundi?  We decide to reach out to Joni one last time and so I texted him today.  He responds that he is in Moshi grieving another relative.

I'm not heartless.  Really I'm not.  But this is getting a little ridiculous.  By now, I'm getting rash.  I boldly launch into Swahili with Ayubu, begging him to go and get the part for me.  I am elated:  he knows a place in Tegeta to get friji parts!  Tim disconnects the piece and we send him off at about 2:30 to Tegeta, a place about 10 minutes away by bus.

By 7 pm I have given up and moved everything back to the mini-fridge.  Clearly, Ayubu is not planning to return today.

At 8:30 pm, there is a knock at the door.  It's Ayubu!  Unfortunately, he was only able to find "fakes" and not "originals" (yes, these are apparently Swahili words).  I'm not sure at all what that means but it sounds like we want the original.  These are only sold at the fridge fundi place across town. Although I'm still holding out a small sliver of hope, it sounds an awful lot like the place where Tim just went.

I just plugged in the broken part and he'll take it out again tomorrow.

Does anyone else feel like we're in the middle of a circle story?

Stay tuned.

Mission Trip Musings

Last week, we were honored to help host a group of 10 students and 2 teachers from Grand Rapids Christian High School. They traveled to Tanzania to witness God's kingdom, both the beauty and the brokenness, here in Dar es Salaam.

In a happy instance not uncommon in the Dutch CRC community, one of the leaders of the trip was a really good friend of fellow missionaries Marc & Gretchen Driesenga, and the other leader was our close friend Steve (who we have known for almost 24 years, since we were just a little bit older than the students on this trip...a scary but beautiful realization).

My friend Gretchen was the inspiration and brains behind the operation. I served as driver of the very large school van (aka party bus), chaperone, and sometimes-translator during most days of the week when I wasn't teaching. Tim accompanied the group over the weekend on safari to Mikumi National Park. Most nights of the week we ate Tanzanian food together prepared by local women and heard from other local missionaries about God's call on their lives and their work here in Dar. Living here, you don't always get the full picture of what people are doing, so it was also helpful and inspirational for me to hear their testimonies.

Everything went really well overall – we had safety on the roads, no flight delays and no one got sick. However, I was reminded by all the curveballs that we have to navigate here in Dar. Last weekend, our car's radiator blew up. Then half our power went out for 3 days (we only had power in the living room). I got sick. Then the Driesenga's car broke. Thankfully, everything was restored by the end of the week and our good friends generously loaned their van to the group.

Gretchen is a former youth pastor and knows that keeping busy is key so that there's no time for homesickness or other drama. We were on the go every day, all day and by the end of the time, I was running on adrenaline only. I realized that I really don't have the energy required for youth ministry! Part of it was that I was still trying to do “regular life” (teaching part-time, supervising my childrens' homework, making lunches, etc.) instead of being in a SERVE-type vacuum where your only responsibility is being fully engaged where you are. Also, admittedly, part of it is that I'm now 15 years older than when I first led youth groups!

I learned a lot of other things about myself this past week. The first one was that I am actually more of an introvert than I thought. I really needed time each night to be quiet and alone after being with the group. I also re-confirmed that my family does not handle “schedule interruptions” all that well. Although we did OK, they (and I) certainly like our nightly routines.

But the most surprising revelation was the unconscious bias I've had against Grand Rapids Christian students for the last 20+ years. I had uniformly negative experiences with these students at Calvin, most notably on my floor when I was a Resident Assistant. They were snooty, cliquey and refused to participate in any dorm activities or get to know anyone other than fellow GRCHS students. I frequently wondered why they even bothered “going away” to school at all.

So to my great relief, although I had subconsciously expected this group to share similar characteristics, they were not like that at all. They were friendly, very open to new experiences, and genuinely seemed to appreciate all the activities in which they participated. True, they didn't always like the hot sun, the non-working AC in the van, and the super-spicy Indian food, but they consistently had positive and gracious attitudes.

I was also struck by their reactions to the poverty here, particularly at the orphanage we visited. I think a negative side effect of being surrounded by the poor is that I have gotten used to seeing it. It really doesn't make an impact on me any longer...it's just “normal.” Seeing it through their eyes gave me a new and renewed sense of compassion.

Although a part of me still wonders about the effectiveness and stewardship of short-term missions trips, I am praying that this group will continue to have their eyes opened and that they will share their stories back in the U.S about what God is doing here on the other side of the world! Even if they don't enter “missions,” I hope they know that they can serve as missionaries wherever God calls them.

The Amazing Culture Race

One of our family traditions here in Africa is watching episodes of the Amazing Race. I won't mention how we acquire them, but we have a good time on weekend nights watching the show. So far this season I'd been a bit disappointed in the destinations of the race, finding them to be beautiful but too "easy": the US Virgin Islands, the UK (they didn't encounter foreign languages until leg 4!), Scandinavia, Morocco (the only African country was time spent at a tourist trap in this country), Italy, Malta, and Singapore (even the most exotic places on the list are plush and tourist-friendly). Finally, however, on the past episode, they arrived in the Philippines, and culture hit the 4 remaining teams in the face.

I was fascinated to watch how the 4 teams responded to their surroundings. While there are probably more than 4 ways to respond to foreign (third world) culture, I thought these were pretty representative:

Team 1 (a team we root for and has many, many good qualities) said "let's just pretend we don't smell anything" and "we decided to just stay away from the water here." Although it was only two quotes, their general attitude was to IGNORE. They seemed to want to treat the culture like any other place, and not engage in it at all.

Team 2 (a team we find annoying often) was absolutely disgusted. They retched at smells, they complained, they turned up their noses. Their reaction was REJECTION, plain and simple. 

Team 3 looked around them on the "taxi" ride and couldn't help but notice the poverty. They were heart broken at seeing unclothed kids in the streets, often just sitting alone. They were astonished at the dangers of every day life. They said they definitely felt that they were CHALLENGED by what they saw, and that it gave them time to reflect on how blessed their lives really are.

Team 4 was giddy. They looked around them, saw how everything was different, and it made them laugh (in a good way). They talked about how they got to get right into the culture and pretend to be a part of it for a little while. They sought out what was different and enjoyed it. They EMBRACED the cultural differences.

Now, you might think I'd say that there is a hierarchy of how you "should" react to cultural differences. But things were (and are) a little more complicated. The team that rejected everything around them took up a challenge hauling in fish in the water. Initially disgusted, they jumped into the challenge, and when it started to rain hard, the hardship got them to dig deep, and they ended up embracing the challenge. Maybe they didn't embrace the culture per se, but their attitude changed dramatically. Sometimes I suspect that people living (or visiting) overseas may at first be overwhelmed by all the changes and the smells, and the sights. But through perseverance, they realize that a lot of those things don't really matter in the end. I know that our family can relate a lot to that.

The couple that was moved by the poverty was inspiring, and the TV show doesn't say what comes next for them. But this often happened on service projects I've been on. Your eyes are opened to the worldwide problems of poverty, and it makes you realize how much you take for granted. But...what next? Too often,we are moved to either throw money at the problem to make ourselves feel better, or maybe even try to pretend we never saw the problem, or try to rationalize it away ("nothing I do could make a difference because of all the corruption in that society"). Challenge is a good first step, but what comes next can be really tricky and complex. The book "When Helping Hurts" is getting short-term mission organizations to really stop and think about the impact of sending rich white Christians all over the world to try to "help everybody with their problems." I wish I could offer more insight in what SHOULD come next after being challenged. For me, it meant making a longer term commitment -- to try to live in a place where I could do some good, and not just visit. But I don't know if that's what everyone should do.

And the team that embraced their surroundings was off to a great start, but again in a limited TV show, who knows what happens next. Too often, ex-pats have a great honeymoon period overseas, astonished at all they see, but then they crash when those differences cease being exotic and fun and start impacting their lives negatively. (That's the true definition of culture shock.) And is embracing culture always the best thing? In their giddiness, could the team have been blinded to the poverty and problems of that culture? Would they be effective agents for change in a culture that needed it?

But of course it's easy to judge Team 1 harshly, the team that (seemed to) choose to ignore the culture around them. Who would do that? But it's a real temptation for missionaries here, including myself. It's pretty easy to walk home from my air-conditioned computer lab and go right into my comfortable, big villa that overlooks the ocean each day. It's easy to "hole up" on the weekends and only leave if absolutely needed. I struggle to learn the language and have figured out how to say "asante" in various ways in order to get through every social interaction with a local Tanzanian. So, yes, ignorance, even while living in a place for 15 months, is easy to embrace.

(EDIT: New Ending)
What's important here, I think, is that you become aware of how you are reacting in a foreign culture. That's more important than the reaction itself! How you initially react to a strange place can be difficult to predict or control. After all, you might be planning to whole-heartedly embrace your new surroundings, only to land in a potentially dangerous situation, or be faced with poverty unlike anything you imagined.

But being aware of that reaction is key to moving to a new stage of cultural awareness and sensitivity. Whether we tend to try to ignore cultural differences, reject them, be challenged by them, or embrace them, we all have a similar journey moving forward. We keep ourselves moving ahead by small steps, in prayer and faith, trying to build God's diverse kingdom in a complex world. Search for WHY you react the way you did. Probably, the root cause will tell you something about yourself that you never realized before. Maybe you'll realize that beliefs you long held to be absolute truth are a bit, well, bendy. Maybe you'll discover that there are beliefs you should be holding on to even tighter. If you're honest with yourself, you might find out that God is bigger than you ever imagined, and that He loves people more deeply than you could ever comprehend.

Broken

With a high unemployment rate and rampant poverty, Tanzania is a country rife with petty theft. Unfortunately, today I was a victim.  I was volunteering at the U11 football tournament as a time-keeper and scorer on the HOPAC football pitch.  This pitch is enclosed by a fence, and anytime there is a match, there are tons of Sala Sala kids hanging over the fence and cheering.  I always love to see this, because they are so excited to be part of the action.  In fact, I joke that HOPAC-Sala Sala matches are actually a double home game.

Because I was intently tracking the game, I didn't see what happened, but suddenly noticed that my purse, which had been hanging on the chair by my elbow, was now wedged into the fence and all the children had fled.  Thankfully, my phone and driver's license were still there, but I estimate that I lost about 50,000 Tsh in cash (about $30 USD).

While I am upset about losing the money, it's the action itself that feels like a knife in my heart. After going into the quarry three times a week with service learning this term, and helping with Kids Klub at HOPAC once a week for a year, I feel invested in this community.  I feel like I know many of these kids, some of them even by name, and I know that a lot of them know me because they greet me by name.  We have a relationship, and this action of theft results in brokenness.

My first reaction is one of betrayal:  how could you do this to me?  Me, who loves you and wants only the best for you.

And then I think:  this is how God must feel, every time we sin.  He loves us.  He wants only the best for us, and yet we repay him with sin after sin, willful disobedient act one after another.  Our relationship is continually broken and yet His mercies are new every morning.  How amazing is His love!

Unfortunately, my love is not supernatural and so it's going to take the reconciliation work of the Holy Spirit in my heart to fully get past this.   I do know that this action was only of a few kids and I'm trying not to let it color my view of the community as a whole.  I also know that their poverty is very real, and my comparative wealth is humbling.  My plans for that money were some snack foods and Christmas gifts at the HOPAC Family Fun Day.  This money was not necessary for my survival. I also know that this theft is a very rare event.  I'm always struck by how honest these poor kids are.  If a ball goes over the fence, it comes back.  If they ask to take a turn borrowing my sunglasses or watch, these items are always returned before I leave.

With the help of Shaun, who leads the Kids Club, we quickly learned who the thieves were.  I did recover 20,000 of the money and I had the chance to talk to the ringleader, who was obviously frightened and upset,  All I said was in my broken Swahili.  "I am very sad because I go into the quarry every week and I love the children of Sala Sala."

I pray for the working of the Spirit in all our lives - the victim and the thieves - and that what was broken can be restored.

It's Beginning to Look a Little Like Christmas...

...Even though it's in the 90s with high humidity, so it certainly doesn't feel like Christmas!

With some crazy helpers in tow, we got things rolling on the decor front yesterday.

 (photo credits Emily Steen)

Shameless plug for Christmas mail:  please, please, please send us cards.  We probably won't get them until January, but when we do, it will feel like Christmas all over again!  Please send them to HOPAC, c/o Tim Steen, P.O. Box 70027, Dar es Salaam, Tanzania.

We promise to do this with your cards:

One week from today, things will really get festive with the much-anticipated arrival of Grandma.

Happy Advent!

Decision Time

We got an innocuous-looking piece of paper from HOPAC a couple of weeks ago that raised a topic we were hoping to avoid for several more months:  the weighty matter of what we are doing next school year.

Besides "I plan to stay" and "I do not plan to return," there was also the wishy-washy option of "I am undecided," which we gratefully selected.  Actually, because we were so overwhelmed by thinking about this decision, we uncharacteristically failed to hand in the paper on time but had to be hunted down for our answer.

That bought us some time, but we've got to give a firm answer by early January, which means that it is officially Decision Time.  I personally feel like my mind is constantly spinning through this important question and so I'd really like it settled sooner rather than later.  And our kids, too, need some clarity on what life will look like after June.  Emily just had her last football match of the season and, even more than losing in the finals, she was upset because she didn't know if it was her final game in a HOPAC uniform or not.

In an effort to move things along, we had a family meeting this past week to gauge everyone's initial thoughts and reached unanimous consensus....we're all equally undecided on what to do.   In some ways, this is a really good thing:  we have managed to find joy here but we also really love it back in the U.S.  It's the best of all worlds...except when you need to actually make a decision.

Leaving the U.S. to come here was a radical decision but it was an easy one.  It was a very clear path and everything fell perfectly in place as we felt God's hand leading us in every step.  However, it was also more of a leaving "for now" rather than "forever."  We did feel like we'd be back in NJ sooner or later and so saying goodbye to loved ones felt easier.  Although I have learned to never say "never," leaving Tanzania feels like it will be more of a "forever" leaving, and just imagining saying farewell to very dear friends already makes me sad.  Overall, it feels like the longer we're here, the easier it gets.  It seems a shame to leave just when I'm finally feeling conversant in the language and we are learning kids' names and beginning to really impact their lives.

But New Jersey is home, too, and we have a lot of good ministry opportunities awaiting us there,  We love our school, church, and community there.  Friends and family eagerly await our return.  And it would be really great to have an easier daily life, good health care and a cooler climate.

On the advice of our friend Mike, we read a book called "Discovering God's Will," by Jerry Sittser, before we moved to Tanzania.  The book debunks the misconception that many people have that God has one clear path for our lives.  Rather, if we are prayerfully and faithfully pursuing God's will, any number of paths will be glorifying to Him.  I do feel like this is the case here - neither one is "wrong" or "right."  

There are so many pros and cons to both decisions that I won't bore you all.  But please be in prayer that, whatever the decision, we feel at peace with God's leading and that we'll be equipped to carry out whatever tasks and challenges face us in the coming months.

Thanks-giving

Right now, most of my U.S. family and friends are sleeping peacefully, dreaming of the turkey, pumpkin pie and fellowship that await them later today.  I'm sitting here sweating profusely at 8 am with a day ahead of me that includes service-learning in the quarry, a trip to the market, and marking grade 11 journals.  In other words, a normal day.

Due to a fluke in the school calendar last year, we had off from school both for Thanksgiving and the day after, and we also had U.S. family visiting, so even though our celebration was far from "traditional," (we went to the beach that morning), it still felt familiar.  This year is really the first time there feels like there is a giant hole in my celebration calendar and I do feel homesick.

Thanksgiving is by far by favorite holiday.  I love it all - the meal planning, food preparation, worship service, watching the Macy's parade on TV, the eating, fellowship, board games, the 4 1/2 day weekend, and even the leftovers.  And we're planning to re-create some of those favorite traditions on Saturday with some of our HOPAC family.  At last count I think we'll have a celebration with 29 of our U.S. friends!

However, as I sit here reflecting on all I miss about home, I'm reminded that the true purpose of this holiday is not all about the food and the family, but rather the action of actually giving thanks.  And I can do that anywhere, anytime, and in any way.  I don't need pumpkin pie to do this.

We've got a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Among the many things, 4 stand out:
* Health - particularly Josh's recovery from an appendectomy.  Continued protection from malaria, dengue, and serious injury.

* Home - we're in this beautiful home for another year.  I am thankful for it every day.

* Community - we've got an amazing community here and also back home.  We are so thankful for the love, support and prayers we receive!

* School/work - we feel very thankful to be a part of this amazing international school called HOPAC.  There are so many great things that we get to experience.

Wherever you are, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  And don't forget to really give thanks.